conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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