I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
