I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
