You're so nebulous sometimes
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
