is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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