I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
