If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
