i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
