I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
