It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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