The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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