I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
