Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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