So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
