Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I still have a little drunk in my system
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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