I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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