Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
