My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
