I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
