I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
