so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
