Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
