Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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