Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
