apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
