we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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