Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
