Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
whose parrot is this?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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