Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
