At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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