I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is Oprah even human
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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