did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
