Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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