No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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