I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize