Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
