I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
