To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
