i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
