Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
