I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
