There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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