That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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