I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
