Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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