There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
