is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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