if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize