I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
