I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
