throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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