i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
