Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
