i was born a porn star she said
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
