We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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