What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
