cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
