Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
