this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize