So drunk its hurt
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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