perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
