I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize