you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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