So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
