I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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