I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
