Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize