I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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