Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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