I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
