i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
