I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
