Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
