woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A bitchslap is in order.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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