I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
