well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
