Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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