I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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