just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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