I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
