I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
