Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
