that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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