grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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