she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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