Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
