So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
