billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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